The Past Grows Into the Present

The photographs from my ongoing project It’s Darkest Before The Dawn can be described as subjective documentary photography. In the surrounding landscapes, I find reflections of my state and my thoughts on war, death, emigration, and the loss of home, creating a self-portrait even though I am not physically present as a subject in any of the images.

However, it is impossible to discuss current events without considering their connection to the past.

A key motif of my project is the metaphorical imagery of nature and surrounding reality, which raises questions about my search for identity in dark times. It explores the connection between past and present, the cyclical nature of time, and the importance of preserving the memory of a difficult past that grows and intertwines with the present.

Who am I? Does the country in which we were born and have lived most of our lives define us? Is being Russian a permanent stigma or merely an indication of one’s country of origin - one for which many now feel unbearable shame?

My ancestors hail from the Kostroma region of Russia. Among them was my great-great-grandfather, Petr Lebedev, a priest from the village of Rodniki, who was executed on October 27, 1937, in the yard of Ivanovo prison. The location of his burial remains unknown. My lineage also traces back to Eastern Poland, which was occupied by the Red Army in 1939 and became part of the Belarusian SSR, where some relatives faced repression. Additionally, my ancestors were from the Belarusian village of Osovets, where, on October 10, 1943, the Germans herded inhabitants into my great-grandfather’s barn and burned them alive. Today, a small monument stands at the site, where I played with my childhood friends.

Who am I? I am a Russian woman with Polish and Belarusian roots, burdened by a profound shame for my country - a nation that endured the nightmares of the 20th century but has now become a nightmare in the 21st century.

Katya Bogachevskaya is part of Issue 17 by Guest Editor Torbjørn Rødland.